we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
