the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
