It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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