I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
