What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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