Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
