checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
