We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
