Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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