So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
