I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm both gender and math confused
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
