I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
