New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
