I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
