My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
