I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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