Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
And then he peed in my hair
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