I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
