why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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