please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
