Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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