In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
