i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
