You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
