In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
