I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry about my life...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
