I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
