naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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