I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
