I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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