You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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