Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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