he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
