I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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