u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
