We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
