Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
