I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
