Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
