my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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