No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
