Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
