I accidentally burped into my bong.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
