i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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