no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
