I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I want to be your penis for a week.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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