My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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