I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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