For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
