I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
