I'm pants shitting drunk right now
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
